Poppin’ Off: Celebrity Court Cases

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photo by Caitlyn Hale

Swifties are obsessed with finding “easter eggs” towards Taylor Swift’s new songs and albums. While this can be fun, some fans take it too far.

Flipping through channels on your TV, you stumble across something interesting: CourtTV. You realize that they are broadcasting a high-profile celebrity court case, and you can’t help but watch. While speaking to the judge, an attorney begins to pull up evidence for the case. Your eyes are glued to the screen and your anticipation grows. Finally, the evidence is presented. It’s a text message. 

“Leave me be, Officer Square Head. Your display of guilt and matronliness as a lesbian camp counselor was plenty.”

The current Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard defamation of character trial has taken over social media, television and the minds of the public for its serious, yet funny nature. It’s just like a reality TV show – except this is actually real. Depp has taken it upon himself to ease the courtroom tension by making jokes at any chance, or by giggling at things he has done in the past.

Throughout the trial, Heard’s lawyers have frequently cut Depp off or interrupted his testimony by saying “Objection. Hearsay,” which has fired him up multiple times. When his own attorney asked to move on to a different question, Depp replied “Yes, let’s let them object to another one,” while laughing and rolling his eyes. His laid-back and comical attitude has gained him thousands of fans and supporters, and rightfully so. It’s unlikely that he will face any consequences from this trial. He’s simultaneously being a plaintiff and entertainer without absolutely losing his mind, which is super impressive. But his funny comments don’t stop there.

Heard’s lawyers have asked him a number of stupid questions, and Depp doesn’t refrain from letting them know. As he was explaining a story in which he was drinking, her lawyers said, “You were drinking pretty heavily.” His response was well-crafted: “Were you there?” It’s surprising that he isn’t holding back his sarcasm in such a situation, but the masses certainly enjoy it. He also treats Heard’s lawyers like they are children. Upon being asked if her attorney had read a text correctly, he replied “You really did,” with a smirk. He proceeded to do this again and again until the spectators were laughing. Depp’s attitude might not be the best legal move, but the media doesn’t care. It’s funny, so he will continue to do it, and we will continue to watch and cheer him on.

Sometimes, the court cases themselves are even weirder than what the celebrities say during their testimonies. In 2018, a drummer named Kimberly Thompson requested a restraining order against Beyonce for using “extreme witchcraft” and “dark magic” to ruin her life; specifically, murder her cat, destroy her relationships, take away her job opportunities and even steal her house and hard drives. Of course, the judge didn’t buy these outrageous claims, and denied her request. If Beyonce used dark magic, she clearly used it to give this girl schizophrenia. But this isn’t the only time that odd claims have been made against Beyonce. In 2014, she was sued for pretending to be Blue Ivy’s biological mother. What? It’s next to impossible to fake a pregnancy and birth. Props to Queen Bey for not suing her right back. You can’t help but laugh at those cases – they’re ridiculously funny.

No matter how serious a celebrity court case is, they always manage to capture the public’s attention and give them a good chuckle. Be it the courtroom jokes or illogical allegations, there’s always something that gives these cases more spice than a typical car crash lawsuit. While they freak out, we have the privilege of sitting back, grabbing some popcorn and watching the dumpster fire ensue – and maybe feeling a little bit of sympathy.

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