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It's not your fault

photo by Bethany Barker

It’s not your fault

I hit my lowest point in my freshman year. Being in high school was a big change, but I had also just found out that my dad was cheating on my mom. Knowing about his adultery was a burden I carried alone: I was too scared to tell my mom. I tried to keep it to myself for as long as possible.

Soon I started getting really bad grades and I could not concentrate on my school work. I was just filled with anger. The anger filled me and I kept getting into fights, which were both physical and mental. Most of the time my dad would yell at me for unreasonable motives, but a lot of the time it was about church. I am passionate about my faith and frequently participate in youth group and other church events. My father is not a big fan of that, so he quite frequently yells at me and tries to put me down mentally. When it comes to physical fights, they were extreme, and a few times the police even became involved.

 I do not really remember how it impacted my relationships. I just began to distance myself from others, especially my family. After a little while, this change in my behavior alerted my mom that something was wrong. I do not really remember how it impacted my relationships. I just began to distance myself from others, especially my family.

My parents’ divorce impacted my mental and physical health, but especially my physical health. It did, however, become, the motivation for me to work harder and be a better person. Now, I use this as motivation to work out. When I get mad or stressed, I go for a run or go to the gym. 

For those who have gone through similar situations, don’t let it bring you down. Just remember it wasn’t your fault and you had nothing to do with it. You are simply in the middle of a messy problem which may take a while to resolve.

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