Turtlenecks: the best way to ward off vampires

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Turtlenecks: the best way to ward off vampires

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You are in a dark alley, and a man has been following you for the past four blocks. His pale skin looks ghostly in the moonlight, eyes as red as a freshly bloomed rose. There is no doubt in your mind that he is a vampire. You reach the end of the alley and he catches up to you. This is the end. He leans in to bite your neck but stops suddenly repulsed. You are wearing the one thing more powerful than garlic or wooden stakes; a turtleneck.

 Turtlenecks are averagely popular, worn by The Rock himself in arguably his most iconic photo, by Elvis Presely in one of his press shoots, Britney Spears in the 2002 film “Crossroads,” and I wear them as much as I possibly can.

Turtlenecks are like any other top but vary in the way that the neck or collar is raised. This creates a scarf-less scarf look perfect for fall.

After creating fall Pinterest boards for some of my friends, they immediately dissed the idea of even wearing a turtleneck, claiming is looked “stuffy” but it all depends on the style  you choose. Those with a more sculpted figure tend to look best in the well-fitting thin turtleneck, going for the “Kim Possible” look. Looser-fitting cotton turtlenecks work well for those who want to be comfortable throughout the day.

Most importantly, they hide one of the weirdest body parts, the neck. Some people have a double chin but if you wear a turtleneck, it goes away. Have an awkward Adam’s apple? It goes away.

Worn alone, turtlenecks make a basic outfit iconic. Not many students gravitate toward them, so they are a more mature item that makes one look more elegant or put-together. I have worn a plain black turtleneck to a job interview and the employer was impressed.

But if you still enjoy not looking like a boomer, there are other options. A few months ago, when the blue angel/cupid turtleneck took over, they were at the forefront of fashion with everyone scrambling to buy them off of Amazon, Ebay and Aliexpress. Because of this phenomenon, fast-fashion companies started mass producing transparent turtlenecks.

In basic colors like black or white, transparent turtlenecks add edge to outfits. Layered under flowy dresses or complimenting tops they give a layered look without making an outfit stuffy.

 But then the neon transparent turtlenecks were created. Some people can pull them off but if you are new to the turtleneck game, starting off with a transparent and neon turtleneck is a bit much. 

Luckily, there are other ways to make a statement.

Textured turtlenecks are a great way to add dimension to an outfit. Additionally, depending on the fabric, they can make an outfit look more expensive. Even a cotton turtleneck looks more expensive than a plain cotton t-shirt. That is simply how turtlenecks work. They elevate everything about an outfit.

People are sleeping on turtlenecks. Just try wearing a turtleneck, even a plain layering piece. You will not regret it, unless your one goal in life is to become a vampire.

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