Alarms deserve better treatment

photo by Peakeep

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If there was a list of the most hated inanimate objects in the U.S. the alarm clock would top it. Commonly mistaken as a form of torture, these devices have faced their fair share of animosity. Although their incessant buzzing, beeping and chirping may feel like the source of all our problems, they do a lot for us and are rarely appreciated.

The story of the alarm clock is a typical “Don’t shoot the messenger” scenario. We view the alarm clock as the grim reaper of our sleep lives; when in fact, it is our first period classes or early morning practices that interrupt our dreams of a full night’s rest. It was our decision to stay up until 3 watching the newest Noah Centineo movie on Netflix, not our alarm clock’s. They should not be punished for our mistakes.

Alarms are treated like our paper cuts. Although they both may be just trivial inconveniences, we treat them like they are the end of the world. School brings out the drama queens in all of us. We all endured the brutal transition period as freshmen adjusting to the earlier high school start time, and cursing out an alarm clock at six in the morning should just be considered a side effect of senioritis.

Alarm clocks got dealt the bad hand in life. I am sure if they were capable of human emotions they would envy other more liked household objects like phone chargers or refrigerators. It is impossible to be mad at the thing that holds your food for you. While the idea of sleeping through the morning is tempting, it is not realistic, and it is the unfortunate job of the alarm clocks to remind us of that.

In attempts to revamp their image there have been a slurry of new alarm products that use a more creative approach. Philips Wakeup light for example. This gradually wakes you up with lights, varying in different brightnesses simulating a sunrise. There is also the Dangerbomb alarm clock that wakes you up with loud beeping noises and colorful flashing lights indicating which wires you have to cut to stop the alarm clock from “exploding”. If that does not wake you up, you might actually be dead inside.  

There are other uses for alarms that people can forget. If it were not for alarms there would be nothing to prevent our chocolate chip cookies from turning into burnt hockey pucks. Or popcorn from turning kitchens into toxic wastelands. Not to mention more important things like reminding you of an important DBA with your virtual teacher, or favorite television show is coming on.

As annoying as they can be we should all press snooze on our aggression toward the alarm clock and just let them do their jobs.

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